she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
