Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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