Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Panties = found
Randomize
