when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
