it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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