he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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