Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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