im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
