going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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