Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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