the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
