my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
