My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
