it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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