I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
