community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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