Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
