great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
