You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
