He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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