you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Everyone says I win the strip club
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
