loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
