yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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