You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
