I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
