She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
