So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
