I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
