barbara walters just said penis...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
