Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My liver is preforming stress tests.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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