Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
