All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
