i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
