New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
