it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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