I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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