Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
