You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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