i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
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I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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