ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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