Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
