My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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