kristin has been a bad kristin
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
