I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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