Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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