Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
