No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
