I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
