and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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