I feel like abortions should bother me more
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
