Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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