He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Randomize