If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
