dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
