ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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