How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
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