i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
