If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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