That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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