I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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