how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
