so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila