There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.