A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
