Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
They took my balls.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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