he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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