Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
