if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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