Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
