I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
