He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
