Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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