If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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