Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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