so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i think we sleep fucked last night...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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