what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Four minutes until I can fart!
he was CRYING into my vagina
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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